A few weeks ago, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerburg were in the process of agreeing to a cage fight. With each other. We dismissed it as rich man’s banter with little substance both in merit and, well, in substance.
Did we honestly think two gazillionaires were going to get into a cage and klap each other for our entertainment? Of course not, we’re not fools. They forgot to tell us it was a “proverbial” fight. Not a cage fight per se, more like a title fight for King of Social. And, for now, Zuck has won. Some of you may be wondering what on earth I’m talking about. Well, that’s why I read the news, so you don’t have to.
Welcome to this week’s #ScratchTheSurface as we tickle the keyboards on our phones.

This week #Zuckerburg’s META released #Threads, an app to rival  #Twitter. It’s more than a rival, it gained 20 million new users in the space of 24 hours. Now that’s a heavyweight. #NoContest. Yes of course I registered and guess what I found? A happy space.
Look, it was only day one and hardly the time to call it, but it launched flawlessly. No bugs, easy to use and if you’re an Instagrammer (I’m not) then it was completely seamless because all your followers and settings were just copied across. Tada!
Elon had a bad day! He had been having a grumble at data scrapers last week and had put some limitations on that scared half my industry, but #Zucks actually made me happy. #TwitterHasFallen, #TwitterIsThreadbare, hanging on by a #Thread. All this play on words is dreamlike for someone like me. That and a brand-new toy to play with.
I thought I was too old for media firsts, but here I am, draped in #Threads. Acumen will join soon; we just want to judge the landscape. That was pretty much my week made until … I read the news and social media in South Africa. #FightClub #NoContest.
The death of #EssopPahad made headlines as one of the good guys left our world. His funeral was gut wrenching and the words of gratitude and condolence were limitless. We are poorer as a country for the loss of this giant. It’s not the biggest story this week, it should be, but we have too many heinous crimes and events across our country for a good man to dominate our time.
The video started trending early in the week. It showed a blue light brigade pulling a car off the road on a highway and a synchronised bunch of thugs barrel out of posh vehicles and assault two men. A flurry of kicks to one man’s head and body leaves him unconsciousness.
Social media, the justice seeker that always gets what it wants, caught the clip and social media got what it wanted. We quickly determined that the mob belonged to our #DeputyPresident Paul #Mashatile. They are called his #VIPProtection unit or as we like to call them, #FightClubThugs.
What do you get when you accost two individuals on a highway, kick and punch them to the point of unconsciousness? You get suspended. That’s all. Do you get taken to jail? No. You just get suspended and, I am scared to speculate but, I bet they are on full pay too. #ThugLife #NoContest.
Just when I thought this was the top story, there was a massive #GasExpolosion in #Boksburg which left sixteen dead, three of them were children. It was a gas called nitrate oxide that apparently was being manufactured in Angelo informal settlement.
Apparently, it is used in mining and is likely linked to the #Zamas. Something went wrong, so wrong that it killed a score of people and left many more poisoned. What’s going on here, good people? Why are we allowing this trade to continue. Is it so hard to go to every disused mine and barricade it.
Maybe put a couple of those #VIPSecurity people at the entrances? It isn’t that hard, it’s that we don’t want to. Like most things, there is a gluttonous endgame here. #NoContest.
Then #Cosatu held a #NationalShutdown, but why do they even bother? Is it because there is excess budget for marketing material? If half the money used on printing those posters and the branding was put to good use for the children of the members of #Cosatu then that would make me respect them.
Those beautifully printed placards didn’t make themselves guys. We may have thrown in the towel on this #CageFight but we are not fools. This fight is rigged.
I was sure I was done with top stories, but there was another contender in the ring. The #Phalaphala report was released by the acting PP and I felt sick watching her as she was being interviewed by the media. She cleared #AnkolaRamaphosa of any and all wrongdoing for the dollars in the couch.
I mean that isn’t right, even though I agree that this was a political brawl. Look, even #RamaPromise told us he sold animals from his farm and the acting PP said that that was irrelevant. I flicked channels because there’s only so much bull dust one can handle, even if that bull happens to be a buffalo. #Staged.
Two stories quickly disappeared while we were reading all this mind-altering stuff. #SenzoTrial has a new judge and you won’t believe this, but he is an ex-soccer player. It also means that the entire case starts from scratch and isn’t that ridiculous? Necessary, but ridiculous. Will we see #Justice4Senzo in this lifetime?
If you cast your mind back to this past weekend, #Buthelezi came out to tell us that there was an attempt to kill the #ZuluKing. That someone poisoned him. Later, headlines read “Buthelezi alleges …” and that was that. #NextFight.
There was a third earthquake in Jozi, and we didn’t care, that’s where we are at good people, we’re not entering a fight because we are hanging on by a thread and earthquakes are just not our thing. Move along now, try selling your shake rattle and roll to a country not ducking left hooks from its leaders.
#Zuma had a big week; he paid #Dali a large sum and got nothing but a delay, oh wait, that’s probably what he bought right? Zuma’s private prosecution of #Ramaphoria failed. You’d think that this would send Zuma home with a sad sack face, but … no! He is representing #Belarus at a Carbon Credits Meeting in Zimbabwe.
What a joke, hey? He made a speech and everything, and the speech, had nothing to do with #Carbon. Nothing. The only thing that was clear is this man is not and was never sick and he is actually quite topping for an 81-year-old. #NoContest.
We have a new ANCYL leader, yawn. Petrol price drops, yay. Food prices are up, boo. And then we look overseas, is the grass greener? Is there a break in the caged fight? Let’s try France – well #FranceHasFallen trended all week after a foreign national teenager was killed by the police. The riots continue unabated as France starts to look like Diepsloot last week.
The Israeli’s tore down #Jenin; it didn’t matter that children were killed. It never matters in #Palestine. It matters in #Ukraine. It doesn’t matter in #Libya; it matters in #France. Is the fighting easier across the oceans? Of course not.
We just call it by different names here, we call it #Xenophobia or #Apartheid. And in the #WhiteHouse we don’t call #WhitePowder by its street name. We just call off the fight. Hunter won’t be the hunted in this #NoContest fight.
I’m still holding onto things like “What’s the Meta Elon?” and “Twitter is holding onto a thread” and “Zuck’s got new threads” and “if you use hashtags on Threads are they called cross stitches?”. These stories make me happy, want to know what else makes me happy? You guessed it – diving. Tomorrow, I leave on a great adventure! I will be jumping on and off boats into the #GreatestShoalOnEarth, the #SardineRun.
I don’t often leave my little slice of paradise but when I do it’s likely for my fish family. For two weeks I am going to chase bait balls, sharks, whales, dolphins and big birds.
That’s my way of telling you that I need a two-week break. I’ve got to get away from the TV and radio and staged fighting. I want to stare into the eyes of the deep. Imagine the stories I will bring back for you. Thank you for scratching the surface with me as we are officially halfway into 2023. #NoContest.
 

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